#MarriageMonday with Michawn Madden

A Collection of Egal vs Comp Marriage Posts Discussing the Dangers of Complementarianism and Freedom of Egalitarianism

  • Intro to Complementarianism and Egalitarianism

    Here is a very informal introduction to Egalitarianism as it relates to marriage, and as compared to Complementarianism.

  • Real Life Abuse in Complementarianism

    Today I want to share with you a real-life current story about what it looks like for women within complementarianism.

  • Complementarianism Affects Men and Women Negatively

    Complementarianism sets women up to be life-long victims.” This is so very true. And we’re not just talking very strict, very conservative, extreme complementarianism here.

  • Healthy Marriages Require Both Parties To Be Equally Known

    A healthy, thriving marriage consists of not only mutually submitting to one another. You must mutually KNOW each other. Know each other, friends. Know each other. Spouse, it should be your privilege to pursue knowledge of the one you married.

  • Patriarchy Kills Marriages

    Patriarchy damages and limits everyone. Patriarchy is the opposite of healthy and successful. Men and women…let’s walk free and work together, as equals.

  • Your Feelings Matter

    One of the things complementarianism does in a marriage is it takes away a woman’s agency, her autonomy. She can have feelings and thoughts, and she can even voice those…but what follows pertaining to those feelings and thoughts is always subject to what the husband deems right in the situation.

  • Marriage & Emotional Abuse

    Emotional abuse is particularly rampant because it flies under the radar and is hard to prove. Women in emotionally abusive relationships can be significantly affected by a simple glance, gesture, or slight change in the tone of voice of her abuser—things that would never be noticed by anyone standing near. Even if you did point it out, others wouldn’t believe it was abusive, not knowing the inside, chronic history of the couple.

  • Marriage: Equal Partnership

    Complementarianism is not biblical...it is cultural. Even within what is seen as ‘traditional roles’ in our society…God’s design is that we be equals.

  • Equal But Different?

    We all deserve to be fully and completely loved for who we actually are. We deserve to have a partner who is for us, who sees us as a true Ezer Kenegdo (man’s perfect match; what the Bible *actually* teaches). We deserve, and need, that partner...not someone who has been taught to automatically doubt us and view us as less than.

  • Complementarianism: An Analogy

    This week I read one of the most perfect analogies concerning complementarian theology in marriage. My friend, Madeleine Goodpaster wrote it and I asked if I could share. As she said…if it hadn’t happened to her personally, she would think that anyone saying this would be crazy. I feel the same way. *Surely* this isn’t what really happens, I would think. But, it truly IS what really happens...in marriages, in the church. This is how women in complementarianism are treated. And this isn’t just an ‘extreme’ version of complementarianism. No...THIS is complementarianism.

  • Let's Talk About Divorce

    Divorce. So much is said about it in the church. But about 99% (*not actual scientific statistic, but probably true) of what is said about it is that it shouldn’t happen.

  • There IS Another Way, A Better Way than Complementarianism

    Most churches/organizations/families don’t teach complementarianism overtly. They teach it and model it very gradually, very behind-the-scenes. It is very subtle. And…they don’t teach that there is any alternative. Sometimes people don’t even recognize it for what it is…partly because they have no idea there is another way. But...

  • Mental Gymnastics of Complementarianism

    I always say that complementarianism teaches men narcissistic ways. What does it teach women? Co-dependency.

  • Submission is a 2 Way Street

    The Bible teaches MUTUAL submission. Even passages like Eph. 5 teach mutual submission. When you learn the actual literary form it was written in, you understand that very clearly. When you understand what was *actually* meant by 'head' in the original languages, you know that it didn't mean the husband was the boss or had more responsibility. Etc. etc. The Bible teaches MUTUAL submission...not one-way submission (i.e. complementarianism).

  • Getting To The Other Side

    To many people who are in a complementarian marriage, or who are realizing they are in a complementarian marriage for the first time (terms like complementarianism and egalitarianism are not actually commonly used within most Christian circles), some of the things that I share here on my #MarriageMonday posts may be a bit hard to take at times. Some of it might even be a bit painful to hear or consider.

  • Can a Comp Marriage REALLY Be Healthy?

    “But, I know complementarian marriages that are healthy.” I hear this often. And to that I have to say... No. You don’t. You don’t know complementarian marriages that are healthy. That sounds very, very harsh and even dogmatic to some of you, I know. But, please…let me explain exactly what I mean and why I say that. Because this is very important. We must be very clear about these things.

  • HOPE Outside of Complementarianism

    My husband and I went through a very, very dark period of 5 years. We had always functioned as a team. And then, because of complementarianism in our lives (we had no idea egalitarianism even existed), our marriage became broken, fractured…we were no longer a team, no longer one…and emotional and spiritual abuse entered and made itself at home in my life. So much damage.

  • Don't Eat The Pie

    was raised in complementarianism. I never knew anything else. I didn't know that term at all. But, I was raised in the belief system that men are the 'heads'...the ultimate authorities, the ones in control, the ones the women cater to, the ones with the power. I was raised being taught that those things were God's way and that the women were to bend to the heads, the women were helpers, the women played support roles.

  • Complementarianism: More Likely For Abuse

    Am I saying that all complementarian marriages and churches are abusive? Absolutely not! What I am saying is that the potential for abuse in complementarian marriages and churches is much higher than in homes where the spouses share equal power and responsibility.

  • Marriage: Who's in Charge?

    The Complementarian teaching (the husband is the leader, the wife must follow) does so much damage in the way of marriages and families. So much damage.